She wants me to go to God. She says he'll take care of me. I hope so. I need Him. I need her, but right now I can't have her. He's not a substitute. I thought He and I were okay before all of this crap. Maybe this was a test, like Job. If so... I failed. I'm so sorry, Dad...
Please, help me be better... for her... for You... for me.
(September 27, 2010)
I've been writing quite a bit. I don't feel well. I miss my Love. I have a test Wednesday, as well as an essay due. I need a break. I need help.
(October 10, 2010)
Hey, God? I miss you...
(October 14, 2010)
As we know, time flies. When we're kids, time slows its pace during boring, uneventful times, and speeds up during fun, exciting times. Now that we're all grown up... time is leaving us behind.
I don't know what they told you, but this place is not what you say
Reset. Rewind.
I have so much work to do for my classes. Test in the morning. Research projects. A paper. Exams.
I've been living inside a hole; they put me underground, where they can never find me unless they dig me out.
I have so much work to do for myself. Get a job. Return to church. Walk with God. Move forward?
I'm not the same anymore... I'm not the same anymore.
My future requires my immediate attention while my present is facing consequences of the past. I will not be happy until everything is balanced out.
I wanna watch them burn it down so I can breathe again.
I'm trusting God on this one; though, I have no idea what I mean by "one." This isn't simply one thing. This is my life.
This is where they all come to hunt me down... hunt me down... They hunt me down.
Demons.. They tempt my hand and steal my sleep. Pitiful fools.
I'll be the victor. I will destroy them.
It's time for me to take control.
One breath at a time, I'll be just fine, 'cause I'll be right on the inside. I steady my hands inside of my shell and wait 'til their backs are turned. Oh! Inside of my head where they thought they would win. I've got them right where I want them. Push either side. I'm burning them alive. I hear them begging and pleading.
(November 18, 2010)
~~~
P.S.: I have all of my friends back. I don't deserve it, but I do. This makes me curious. This makes me happy.
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