Weekly Wednesday: "Diseased"

A Short Story

(Preface: Halloween Special. This story was a dream I had a few years ago. I was so intrigued by it that I started writing it as soon as I woke up from it. It is written as I remembered it. No alterations were made.)

The first floor served as some sort of holding area for the infected. When I walked through the main entrance, I saw each and every one of them. I didn't understand what was happening to them or why I was even there in the first place, but I stared in curiosity. There were cells like that of a prison recently built within. As soon as I walked in there were cells to my left that went along as the left side of a hallway. To my right was free space for a couple yards until the awfully dirty floor stopped abruptly at another wall of cells that I saw no end to. I went to the single large desk centered in the front lobby.

"What's going on here?" my friend asked when he reached the desk a moment after I did. I had almost forgotten he was with me. There were two women stationed at the desk, neither of which cared to reply let alone look at my friend. He asked them again. No reply.

"What the hell is going on here?" I yelled at one of them. She looked up at me, dark face in tears. She didn't say anything for a moment. Then she did…

"They're coming," she said through her tears. Though, I had no clue what she was talking about. Then I felt the building shake. I looked at the front entrance. It was like a whole mob had just rammed all four walls of the front lobby. In fact, that's almost what it was. They were all dark skinned. Arms were reaching through the windows and in through the door. I heard two gunshots behind me as I stared at the oncoming rioters. Then it hit me; I turned back towards the desk where my friend was staring, mouth gaping. It seemed the women had killed themselves.

I knew when I returned my eyes to the attackers that they were a bit out of the ordinary. They were insane. Like something out of a movie. They acted like zombies... but that would be absurd. Neglecting all awkward thoughts, my friend and I searched quickly for an escape. The infected that were barred were breaking through, as were the ones outside attempting to infiltrate. Why were they coming after us and what was wrong with them? My questions didn't matter; they had broken through. We jumped over the desk and tripped onto the two dead women. Ignoring the gross feeling of their limp bodies beneath us, we ran for the staircase a few feet behind the desk. We began ascending. The building must have been a hundred stories. After a couple flights, my friend ran through a door into a hall and through another door into a room that had a single window. He looked out it and toward the ground. Right then I knew what he was thinking.

"We need to be a little farther up for the fall to kill us," he said. He was actually thinking about killing himself. I just wanted to escape. With all of the thoughts running through our minds, we must not have been thinking clearly or rationally even. He ran back to the stairwell. I followed.

"We need to get to a computer," he yelled back at me. "Maybe we can get help."

I just followed. I knew we were dead, but maybe, just maybe we could hide from them until help arrived. There was no fighting these people. We hadn't any weapons. My friend had a pocketknife. I just ran and ran. Up the stairs to our demise. Our pursuers were slower than us by much. After a couple more seconds of ascending, my friend ran out of another door into a hall again. He ran to a door at the end of the hall and entered. I heard him scream "yes", and when I entered after him I saw a computer. He seated himself at it then laid the knife he pulled out for defense down on the desk, and got to work.

"Watch the hall," he told me. I did. I was shaking like hell, but I watched. Then I saw them. Not the infected as I first assumed, but a family of five. I yelled for them to come and hide with us. They were hesitant.

"They think we're astronauts," the eldest women spoke to me, "We just have to show them we're not." She didn't really make any sense. Then my friend came to my side and spoke to them and me.

"They think we're food. It's a virus. They've all been infected. They don't think anything... They just want to kill us."

That didn't take long to settle into my mind. I ignored the thought of zombies again and ushered the family into the room, the littlest girl first. She was beautiful. Maybe five years of age. Then I saw our demise. One of the infected came in through a window that was in the room we were. It was a woman. She went for the knife my friend set on the desk and shanked the little girl in the stomach. The girl instantly began to cry. In pain and fear. The infected continued to stab in the same spot. I ran for the infected and began to fight. I punched the woman in the face several times to no effect. Then they came from the hall. All of them. I was backed into a window next to the door that came from the hall. The infected began to come in. The family was in the middle of the room and my friend by the desk. Time slowed. The one infected with the knife began to stab the girl again.

"Dammit, get it over with!" I screamed at her. I knew we were dead now. The infected woman looked at me for a moment and then sliced at the girl's neck. Blood spewed everywhere. I began to cry. I started praying to God. I prayed for help. I prayed for forgiveness. Then He showed me the light. The infected began attacking me. I quickly turned and opened the window I was backed against. I jumped through the space I opened, but they caught my legs and pulled me. I pushed off with my hands and made it through. First I noticed the daylight. It was beautiful. Then I saw the concrete hundreds of feet below me. It was suicide, but better than a slow and painful death. Then I saw the rooftop about ten feet below me and to my left. Being that I had already started falling, I didn't think I had a chance, but maybe I could save myself and catch the ledge. I could run. I don't know where to. But I could run. Before I could catch the ledge or fall to my concrete death, I awoke…

by MFW III

Final Topic Tuesday: Sandy

Finally a current event I actually have some decent information on.

First of all, this will be the last Topic Tuesday or Thursday. I'm surprised I was able to commit to such mundane posts to begin with. I will still write current events every now and then, but only when it's something that really catches my attention; as long as it's something I can write about and feel like others will either enjoy reading or at least feel informed.

Sandy, you caught my attention. You threatened my trip to Florida this weekend, my coastline here at home, and now the lives of those in the North. You've flooded cities and are keeping power outages continuous for god knows how long.

My stay in Florida? Blue skies. My trip back home? Blue skies. My first day back to work? SLOW AS HELL (with blue skies).

You see, to put it simply... I provide doctors and hospitals with claim status (whether or not the bill they sent to the insurance company has been paid or not). Most of my company's client health plans have providers and patients spread between New York and New Jersey. We work with other state demographics, but most patients live in those two states. On a good day, my department receives over 200 calls. On a bad day, my department receives around 150 calls. Yesterday... My department received somewhere around 50 calls. Why? Because doctors offices and hospitals in New York and New Jersey were too busy evacuating and closing for the coming storm. So it's obvious that there is a ripple effect from such a storm as this.

But does it just affect today? No. The projection is that calls will be less and less until Wednesday. And even then, there are possible power outages that could last weeks in NYC and elsewhere. Basement apartments and the subways will have flooded. Rats and the homeless will be forced out of the tunnels and into the streets. As far as I know at least one building collapsed last night in NY and at least one person is listed as a casualty in NJ.

Could be worse.

For now, my hopes go to those this storm as affected. Blue skies are to come. Have a good day.

OH... I almost forgot. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MONTANNA. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Woot. Peace.

Monthly Monday: "Pursuit"

A Conversation

            “What are you doing?” one man asked.

            Slow to answer, he replied, “Trying to find what’s been lost.”

            “Where will you go?” another spoke.

            “I will chase the sun.”

            “And what will that gain you?” the first inquired.

            “Does it matter?”

            The two looked away from him to each other with confused expressions.

            “What would happen should you fall behind in your pursuit?” the first asked with a less puzzled look.

            “That,” he said, “is when the sun will come back around. Then, it will chase me.”

by MFW III

* * *

Author's Note

I wrote this a couple years ago when I was trying to put words to a song. There was this beautiful song I wrote for guitar, but I didn't have any lyrics for it. One day I decided to put lyrics to it and dedicated it to my then girlfriend. I don't have the words anymore, but I remember the chorus had a line that said: "We'll chase the sun." And with that, I believe, the thought for this conversation arose.

This isn't much of a story, which is why I subtitle it "A Conversation." I like the idea of running towards the sun knowing that you couldn't keep up with it, but also knowing that it would soon rise behind you.

It's a metaphor. For what, though, anyone could say. The purpose of this author's note, however, is to tell you my own interpretation, which I had never intended when I wrote it; because, when I wrote it, I never thought of it as being all that special. I just though it sounded nice. I read it aloud to a friend one day and it gave him chills. As a writer, that is one of the best unspoken compliments you can get.

I see the sun as being the passion you chase. Personally, I think a person's passion defines him. So in chasing this passion, you are, per se, chasing yourself. In the conversation, "he" says he is trying to find something that's lost. I think what he's lost is himself and he is chasing his passion to find and become again who he was. But a person is ever-changing and will never be who he was. With that in mind, a person will always be who he is. So even if he doesn't find himself, even if he cannot keep up with the sun, the sun will always come back around, and he will always be who he is. In searching for who he is, who he is will find him.

Final Final Friday

So this is supposed to be a blog right? Where I've developed cool schedules and names for scheduled posts, like Topic Tuesdays and today's Final Friday, right? I'm sooo cool I can use alliteration. BAM! And onomatopoeia. And I had to look up how to spell that, because while I am an English major (hiatus), I don't have a stick up my butt (most of the time).

What is this post about? Should this be something controversial like abortion or civil rights? Yes. Yes it should be about that according to my original blog format idea. In fact, this post is about abortion. I'm aborting this baby right now because I don't think I can take care of it and nurture it. Time to kill it in its youth.

But don't worry! My fetus is a phoenix and something amazing will rise from its ashes!

(If this blog represents a fetus and the fetus is a phoenix and phoenixes rise from the ashes of dead phoenixes, then a new fetus, or new blog, will rise from the ashes of this one past.)

(I feel like I'm now winded after saying all of that, and all I did was type it.)

You see. This format is more fun. "Random Musings of My Ever-twitching Fingers." That's what this is and I love it. There will be times when I talk about things like abortion and do research on history for the elections and current world affairs, but to be honest I'm not in the mood and I don't feel like doing that crap every waking moment. I thought it was a good idea. It was. It was a great idea. I did not execute well, alas I have committed. Some posts may have been half-"arsed", but I committed. I am figuratively patting myself on the back. I think I have done a decent job, albeit a poor one as well. I am a growing boy and I will learn as I go.

This was only a test anyway. Truly it was a success. Look at all I've done? I've done so much in one month. (I originally wanted to call it Blogtober, but I found out that's been done before... a million times.)

This post is my transition to November's new blog. The one where I cut out the alliteration nonsense and write what I feel like writing. Whatever flows. Not this stop and go crap. And my so-lame-it's-a-shame vlogs I was posting. I actually still want to do those. But I'm no Vlogbrother. Gotta lot o' learnin' to do.

I could do this forever. For realz. Talkitytalktalk(type).

I've been posting DAILY. I should probably chill da fuk out. Especially with this current event stuff. So difficult to do when there is really nothing to talk about but every once in a while. As of right now, my new format will look something like this:

• Mondays: Weekly Blog/Discussion (so you can get it early and last you the week)
• Wednesdays: Creative Writing/Featured Content [because Weekly Wednesday worked so well (alliteration unintended)]
• Fridays: ... (I was going to do current events, but they're so boring to read and so boring to do... I'll come up with something fun)

I think three days a week is perfect. And I will certainly post more than three times a week because this format gives me more unscheduled freedom. I'll have three scheduled posts and then any unscheduled post whenever I feel like it. Sounds fun. I'm excited.

Do you see the difference between how much I've written here compared to how much I've written on other posts? Yeah. Way better this way.

Topic Thursday: Mary Jay

I thought I would start with a picture. You like? Well, apparently when we vote on 11/6, three of our fifty will be voting for the legalization of recreational marijuana. Colorado, Washington, and Oregon will be voting to allow the possession, sale, and regulation of the green stuff for pot smokers everywhere.

I can see it now.

"Hey, brah. What are you going to vote for on election day?"

"I'm voting YES, man. Yeahhh."

"Yeahhh, man. Voting yes for some mary jay."

No thought whatsoever about the presidency...

I'm just kidding. I don't care either way. Honestly, I don't want a bunch of potheads around me just like I don't want a bunch of drunk people around me. I don't care for it. But whatevs. Do what ya want.

Weekly Wednesday: "A Smile Upon Eyes" and "A Frown Upon Tears"

"A Smile Upon Eyes"

A Short Story

It was less subtle than it all seemed; everything about the situation appeared serene and perfect. Well, it was perfect. As much as even I disagree with the possibility of perfection, this was the very definition. If one looked closely enough he would notice their trembling hands and an almost unnoticeable quivering of their lips. They stood in remarkable silence. His hands held hers. Her eyes held his.

          The night was dark and chilly as autumn nights tended to be. Every other minute a tranquil breeze would sweep through the meadow in which they were standing. Even though the true beauty of this environment is best observed during the day at high noon when the rays of the sun show off the brightly colored leaves of the low cut grass and surrounding trees and when the heat of the bright celestial body collides with the intermittent breeze, the beauty seen this night was between this couple. Her breathtaking eyes (eyes that only for him would keep focus)… His heartwarming smile (a smile that only for her would be shown)…

          They remained in silence for many minutes, standing while shivering at every breeze and involuntarily smiling at every second. With an evident romance in the air, a passionate kiss might be expected to have been observed.

          “I’m cold,” she whispered quietly.

          He put one arm around her at a time and pulled her into a hug, his warming embrace.

by MFW III

"A Frown Upon Tears"

A Short Story

“Wait for me…”

Tears surged from his eyes like never before. They streamed down his cheeks, and he felt the redness of his face like the heat of a fire. His lips moved without any escaping sounds while his hands searched the empty air around him for something, anything. There was nothing. The darkness that encompassed him was just that.

All happiness and joy escaped with his Love. All hope followed suit. He sucked in the dull air and let it out with noiseless gasps. Everything was kept within, save his tears. Agony, despair, and misery filled his every being until he finally erupted.

He screamed a pained roar into the blackness. There was no echo or reply. The latter was the least expected, anyway. This time when he inhaled it was loud and aggrieved. His exhale was slow, but audible. Tears were accompanied with little sniffs and unsteady breathing. If hell wasn’t a fire, then this was surely the next viable option. At the moment, it was worse than a fire.

Arms continued to move and his hands searched the void until they found something. He grabbed the object, which caused him a moment of pain. He winced and withdrew his hand from the object. Left with a small tinge of pain, his hand felt damp. After bringing his hand to his nose, he sniffed. It was blood. Just then he wanted more. He reached for the object again, carefully this time. He found it and discovered its handle. It was a small pocketknife.

With all of his emotions flowing aggressively through his body, he took the knife to his wrist and dragged. His self-inflicted wound was deep and blood slowly flowed. After a minute he couldn’t feel his hand. He felt drained, not from the loss of blood, but from his over empowering feelings.

A noise sounded in front of him. It sounded like a whisper. Wind came from nowhere and passed him over. He felt a strong chill and suddenly he was freezing.

“I’m cold,” he remembered a soft voice whisper once.

A noise sounded once again. He moved toward it.

“Love?” he asked the darkness. There was no reply, but after he spoke, he could see. Everything was still black, but somehow he could see. Her form stood only a few feet away. He fell to his knees. Once his knees hit the ground, he felt his pants soak with blood.

She walked calmly toward him and reached out her hand. He took it and felt the warmth emanating from her skin. He tried to pull himself up, but failed when his hand slipped from hers. His blood was left on her hand. She knelt in front of him and took his body into her arms.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” she said. She took her shirt off to cover his wound. She bound it tight to stop the flow. “It’s okay. I’ve got you."

by MFW III

Topic Tuesday: Third Presidential Debate (Foreign Policy), 10/22/12

My quick thoughts on the Third Presidential Debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Enjoy. ~Montanna

Topic Tuesday: Third Presidential Debate (Foreign Policy), 10/22/12

Blog
http://wordsoncewithered.blogspot.com/

Monthly Monday: The Casual Vacancy Book Review

J.K. Rowling's new adult novel The Casual Vacancy is in another world, much like, but much different from Harry Potter. I am here to write a review. And I am here to compare the two. Because that's what people do. They see Vacancy and they are like, "Whoa!" because it's written by Rowling who wrote Harry Potter, and Harry Potter readers are like "I MUST COMPARE."

But I? I decided to read this novel because, while yes I have read Harry Potter, I think that J.K. Rowling is a brilliant author and did not doubt that she could write another amazing book, even if it is for adults rather than young readers.

Let's start with how this novel is different. It is for ADULTS. If it was a movie it would be rated NC-17. If the movie didn't show sex and rape scenes, that would bring it down to R due to language, violence, sexual themes, drug use... But it would never be PG. And it would never be G. Because it is a book, I wouldn't suggest this book, with all of its themes, to anyone under... hmm... 16? I think 16 is a good number. Would I have read this before 16? Perhaps. But would I want my 14 year old child reading this book. Heck-to-the-NO.

This novel is different in MANY, MANY ways, so to be brief, I will talk about how it is similar. Rowling no doubt has a love for children. Based on her Harry Potter series, how could anyone doubt? There is something so great about Harry Potter that, while aimed at young readers, it is a series that appeals to adults as well. In the case of Vacancy, Rowling's love of children still shines through. She has aimed this book at the adult eye, but her use of children and their points of view, although adolescent, are important to both themes and plot. Sometimes the portions from the children's perspectives seem more human than those from the adults.

Plot-wise, Vacancy is about a town stuck in a political struggle during the time of an important council member's death. Vacancy contains heavy political material sewn into the fabric of monotonous, small town, England life. And within this small English town there are lives interconnected in a myriad of ways, whether it be by the politics, or the neighborhoods, or the schools, or the children. There are so many stories going on at once, and Rowling does not make them hard to follow. There are tens of characters from whom perspectives are shown, and even then you are not lost.

How is this book in another world? Well, it is very much like our own but fictitious. It is very real. Very post-modern. With Harry Potter, Rowling stood among the C.S. Lewis's and the Tolkiens. With  Vacancy Rowling now stands alongside the likes of the DeLillos and the McCarthy's. She is an author without exceptional limits. Arguably, J.K. Rowling is the greatest author of our time.

Final Friday: The Gay Note Revisited

Finally. Here we are. I took forever to get to it. But it's okay. I was sick and I've been really busy with both this blog, work, and my spiking social life. Crazy, crazy. Okay, let's go.

My first blog on the subject revolved heavily around marriage. Now it's time to get even dirtier. It's a messy subject for some people. And if your like me, you may find it hard to change your views. But we should let our views be ever-changing when we find a new perspective to peer from.

For Christians

My perspective was raised out of the dying phoenix known as religion. Christianity, to be specific. Obviously I said phoenix, so something must be coming out of the ashes. Well, I think Christians, for one, will come out of the ashes. We have been indoctrinated, which is a fancy word for "brainwashed." Wait, fellows, keep reading, please. If you are raised by a man made idea, and you know naught else, how can you claim what you know to be true?

I'm not saying the Bible is a man made idea. Or that Leviticus 18:22 is an idea. But let's take a second to think about all of Leviticus. This particular book of the Bible contains laws for the LEVITES, which was a tribe from which PRIESTS were taken. So, one could argue that this book only applies (applied) to these people. One could also argue that it applies to anyone who strives to be perfect in God's eyes. Now, in Judaism, the Book of Leviticus is supposed to be followed perfectly. In Christianity, the most famous laws are the Ten Commandments, and from Jesus' teachings, love God and love your neighbor. Christians today reject many of the laws of Leviticus. For example...

• Every person shall write a scroll of the Torah for himself (Deut. 31:19)
• Read the Shema in the morning and at night (Deut. 6:7)
• Recite grace AFTER meals (Deut. 8:10)

Again, for example. There are more, but I imagine these are laws the common Christian doesn't know exist. Do you follow them?

In my humble opinion (heh), I believe that when Christ came and died, he abolished the punishments for the law and not the laws themselves. So, for the sake of this debate, the penalty for having homosexual intercourse is death. But it's not anymore because Jesus died to revoke that punishment; however, the law itself remains.

More Problems...

Military-

I received this comment on my original posting of "The Gay Note" on Facebook: I agree with everything you have said except allowing gays in the military. One big point. Males are not allowed to shower with females. Why? We are attracted to each other and can cause issues such as sexual harassment and such. So if I cant shower with someone I am attracted to for those reasons. Why should gays be allowed to shower with the same sex?

If we run with the idea that men and women are not allowed to shower together, among whatever other activities, based on one person being attracted to another, then gays should not be allowed to shower with the men. Or the women. Or each other. WTF? So they shower alone? OMG HOW DO U SHOWER ALONEEE?!?! Problem solved? Maybe... maybe not.

Let's say there's an underlying condition. We will simply call it sexuality. Just in general. Not homo, not hetero. Why not mix the sexes, and the sexuals, and the genders? Forget about who's attracted to who. You're carrying guns for goodness sake. Discipline.

Children-
If gays are allowed to marry, then they are also granted the same rights as heterosexual couples. This means they can adopt children. I've heard views holding the idea that if a gay couple parents a child, then the child will more than likely be gay.
So first... Why does that matter? Second... There is no evidence to back that up. One would think that statistically, more gays come from heterosexual homes than homosexual. I have nothing to back that up, but according to many resources I've been looking at, studies show that gay parents are just as beneficial to their children as straight parents. If anything, the worse thing about children living in gay homes is that they are ridiculed more.

Still so simply put.

So still, being a Christian, I have affirmed through Biblical sources that committing acts of homosexuality is wrong, and (unfortunately) celibacy is the only life for a Christian who finds him/herself with only homosexual desires. But as an American, I find myself unable, still, to say that gays should not be allowed to marry.. or be in the military.. or have children.. or exist.
Simply put.

If there's more to cover, which I'm sure there is, leave a comment regarding an issue or even your thoughts on what I've said here or in the other and I will address it here.

Topic Thursday: Second Presidential Debate (Town Hall, Foreign, Domestic Policy), 10/16/12

My sleepy thoughts on the Second Presidential Debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Enjoy. ~Montanna

Topic Thursday: Second Presidential Debate (Town Hall, Foreign, Domestic Policy), 10/16/12

Blog
http://wordsoncewithered.blogspot.com/

Weekly Wednesday: "I Want..."

"I Want to Write"

I sit here with the heavy pen 

Pondering few thoughts of men, 

But mostly just the thoughts of me 

And wonder if it's meant to be. 

I want to show you feeling, 

All that I have been concealing, 

And show you stories from my heart, 

With my central form of art. 

This is not my only passion, 

But my only communication, 

That I can give to myself, 

And give to everyone else. 

No longer with this useful pen 

Am I thinking of useless men, 

But of what He would want to see; 

I'm sure that this is meant to be.

by MFW III

"I Want Your Attention"

Please don’t look this way. 

Disregard these words 

And avert your steady gaze. 

You have better things to do. 

Don’t absorb this pitiful ink; 

All you gain is what I lose. 

This pen has seen a better day. 

You have read less dreary lines, 

Yet you continue this thoughtless fray. 

Avoid these fruitless rhymes. 

Keep from this place 

And ignore this ignorant mind.

by MFW III

"I Want You to Remember Me"

To be remembered after 

Is not what I asked for, 

To be remembered by few 

Or simply just you, 

I could really care less. 

To be remembered for what I did 

And perhaps by my best friend 

Is not what I really want; 

I would rather be forgot, 

You should really care less. 

If I won't remember myself, 

If my mind is set upon a shelf, 

If I won't have my memory, 

Why should I care if you remember me? 

I could really care less. 

I don't need to live forever, 

I'll never have been whom you remember, 

I don't need you to understand 

Or think that I'm the better man, 

You should really care less. 

I care for you now 

More than should be allowed 

Your life is important to me, 

Don't waste it by remembering me, 

I'd rather you just care less. 

Take care of yourself; 

Don't remember me for help, 

I'll wait beyond the moon 

And hope to see you soon, 

So you should really care less.

by MFW III

"I Want You to Stay with Me"

Perhaps you should leave.

I'm no good for you;

I am not what you need.

Tell me this isn't true.

Believe there are better men;

Though, I am still but a boy,

And you are but my friend.

I do not deserve your joy.

Do you see what I mean?

You could have the world.

Don't choose this pitiful me.

Don't let your heart be sold.

I long for your reply:

The sweet, imperfect truth.

I feel it would be a lie,

That I am right for you.

by MFW III

"A Sweet, Imperfect Reply"

I see that you care for me.

Your love rings true like the chimes of my tree.*

But I will not leave.

As undeserving as you think, I will never leave.

I will tell you, however,

That "this" isn't true; I will love you forever.

I see what you mean,

But my heart has not been sold; it has been given.

This reply to you

May seem the imperfect truth,

But this is not a lie.

I've put my heart in this reply.

*She keeps wind chimes and other aesthetics hanging from a tree outside her window.

by MFW III

"I Want to Live"

These dark days are followed by

Dark nights; which sing a song

Of hate and desire, where I lie

In a state of being that I do not belong.

And I am oh so very tired

Of sitting here; I'm all alone

Eyes filled with hate and fire

Dismissed when light of another is shown.

Like my life, these words should

Be cut short; if only I would dare

To leave this world if I could

And leave alone all those who are scared.

I am an ignorant, selfish mess

With life; this meaningful smile

Hides no signs of stress

But, for you, I will be around for a while.

by MFW III

Topic Tuesday: VP Debate (Foreign, Domestic Policy), 10/11/12

My select thoughts on the Vice Presidential Debate between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan. Enjoy. ~Montanna

Topic Tuesday: VP Debate (Foreign, Domestic Policy), 10/11/12

Blog
http://wordsoncewithered.blogspot.com/

Monthly Monday: Happiness Is a Butterfly

"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

After such a long time of chasing this butterfly, I have found this to be true. It seemed as if I had been chasing it for miles and miles, and finally I couldn't go anymore. I didn't want to let it out of my sight. I didn't want it to get away. I could almost reach it, but then my body wouldn't let me go any farther. Before falling to the ground I reached out and grabbed it, just enough to feel it slip through my fingers and watch it fly away. After lying on the ground for so long, it came to me one day and landed in my hand, out of nowhere. It came right when I needed it to, and the happiness it brought me pulled me through some of my hardest times. But after it had, I didn't want him to leave again. That butterfly was a gift from God that helped me to heal more every day. And now, I grow to love it more and more every day. I feared that it would leave me after all I was going through was over. I worried because I didn't really need it anymore, but I still loved it. I still wanted it. But then I realized that I will always need it. Because I will always love it.

Forever yours,
           

(Spring 2010)

It seems, my Love, that your fears were in vain.

Final Friday: Regret, Regret, Regret

I regret to inform you that I will not be posting today's scheduled post until a later time (possibly this weekend). As I mentioned in my last post, I am sick with a sore throat. I cannot speak. No bueno when you work at a call center. Blah. I've been sleeping for hours on end. I just stopped into my mom's house (This was written at 10 PM, 10/11/2012; scheduled to post, as per usual, at 6AM). I'm gonna stay here tonight since she lives a mile from my job while I live 30. I'm extremely upset that I do not have this post done on time. I could be writing the post now, instead, but I don't want to do it half-arsed. I'll write it later with a level head. Right now I feel like crap, and I'm going to crash. They probably won't let me work tomorrow, but whatevs. Whatevs. What can I do? Anyway... Sorry. : ( Have a good day...

Topic Thursday: Blogging So Far...

Let's mix things up a little. This month is heavy on election topic materials, but I don't want to keep spewing the same old, same old. It's also 1 AM, I'm tired, I have a sore throat, and my back is in no better shape. So. Why not stop for a post and talk about the blog. I know it's not a current event, but it is a topic. :)

I started this blog with the intentions of keeping myself writing. I believe it has been successful so far. I write all of my posts as far ahead of time as possible. The only ones I can't really do ahead of time are my Topic Tuesday and Thursday posts, because I want to keep the current events close to the date of post; I don't want to talk about what happened last month in this month's post.

Thus far, I have not attained many readers; however, I'm still really doing this for me. Those who do read this are pretty awesome. The only thing I really want people to read is the Final Friday post every week. Everything else is just for fun.

I like the way I have everything set up: Monthly Mondays, Topic Tuesdays, etc. I don't think the formula is broken, so I will keep it the way it is right now. I'm sure there are better ways to execute everything and, of course, Words Once Withered's blogging format, weekly line up, content--whatever--it is all subject to change. If I find a way of enhancing the reader's experience, I will jump on it. If I get feedback from readers, positive or negative, I will use it to better my posts. (Right now, though, I think there is an issue with commenting on posts, and I am working with Blogger to get that fixed ASAP.)

Look forward to tomorrow's Final Friday: The Gay Note Revisited. If you didn't get a chance to read the Original "Gay Note," I re-posted it on this week's Weekly Wednesday for featured content. In that post I talked about gay marriage, for the most part. In tomorrow's revisiting, I plan on talking about... everything else. Also, get ready for our third Monthly Monday. I haven't totally prepared it, but I said I would make the third Monday of every month personal. I will not disappoint.

If you want something news related: watch tonight's Vice Presidential Debate on foreign and domestic policy @ 9 PM EST. It comes on a million channels, including local. I bet you have at least one of them.

Weekly Wednesday: The Gay Note Re-posting

The Gay Note

by Montanna Wilber on Monday, September 24, 2012 at 12:16am

Today, I have decided to talk about homosexuality. I will split this into three sections: The Issue, Christianity's Fight, and The United and Equal States of America. Aren't you excited? I'm kind of excited. (Disclaimer: I am including lesbians under the term gay for this note.)

I. THE ISSUE

America has seen so many radical changes since its beginning. The first presidential election allowed white men over 21, who owned land, to vote. It is now possible for black women over 18, who do not own land, to vote. Equality has been an issue since 1776. In 1868, the issue of owning land was abolished. In 1870, any color person could vote (and even then there were still issues that kept blacks from voting).  In 1920, women were granted the right to vote. In 1964, conditions were removed that restricted a large population from voting; black citizens as a whole became allowed to vote at last. In 1971, the age you could vote was changed from 21 to 18.

Great! Now everyone can vote. But wait! There's another issue that's cropped up. Homosexuality. And let's face it. It's been an issue for a lot longer than people think. "Don't ask, don't tell" (DADT) was recently repealed. Before 1993, no homosexuals were allowed to serve in the military at all. In 1993, however, President Clinton attempted to appeal this. The only thing they were able to come up with was a compromise: DADT; you could now be gay and serve in the military as long as no one knew you were gay. Heh. Well, as of one year and three days ago, DADT has been abolished. You can now be openly gay and serve in the military.

But the issue of homosexuality still stands. The big issue currently is gay marrage. We are a country all about equality and yet, somehow, we still have the ability to say you cannot have the same rights as me because I am straight and you are gay. Fail. Where is the equality in that? And so what is the issue behind the issue? ISSUE:  Homosexuals should be allowed to "marry." ISSUE behind the ISSUE: Religion, pride, and prejudice say no. I am Christian, so let me jump into our next section.

II. CHRISTIANITY'S FIGHT

Leviticus 18:22 states, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it [is] abomination." (KJV)

Leviticus 20:13 states, "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them." (KJV)

There are more than these two verses, but this gives you the gist. Leviticus was written by Moses who stood on top of Mount Sinai and spoke with God. This leads us to believe the author is sharing with us that which God has presented him. And you thought God's only laws were the Ten Commandments? Go read Leviticus and try to wrap your mind around the myriad of laws. Did you know any man with a deformity is not allowed to be a priest? Seriously. Go read it and tell me how you feel. Does God discriminate against His own people? We'll save that for another time...

Back on track... As a Christian, if I am to take the Bible as pure and true in its depiction of what God wants, then I should be against homosexuality. And that is the stance most Christians have. Westboro Baptist does not speak for all of Christianity, but they do claim to speak for God, and they say that God hates gays. I don't hate people. Ever. But I would be lying if I told you there wasn't a large part of me screaming that those motherfuckers can rot in hell. Again, topic for another time... But here we have a quote: "God hates gays." I actually saw two men in Key West holding these signs on the street. For those who don't know, Key West holds a large homosexual population. I wanted to go over and knock their jaws loose. It's more than my wanting to defend homosexuals; it is my wanting to defend ALL people from these lies. God does not hate homosexuals. God hates homosexuality. One is a person. The other is a sexual orientation. If there is one thing the Bible seems to iterate and reiterate constantly it is that He loves all people regardless of their sins, but He still hates their sin.

So where do I stand? I stand conflicted, to be honest. As a human being, I say that people should be able to do whatever the fuck they want as long as it does not harm another human being, directly or indirectly. Being gay does not harm people. Sure. Go ahead and bring up all of the diseases homosexuals can contract from sexual interaction. But while you're collecting that information, please also provide the statistics for straight people with sexually transmitted diseases and illnesses. So again. Being gay doesn't hurt anyone anymore than being straight does.

As a Christian... Well, for now, let's just say I'm finding many faults within my Bible. We can talk about that later as well.

But devout Christians should say no to homosexuality. This does not make them bigoted. If they say that God hates gays, you can sock em one for me. But if they just say that they believe homosexuality is wrong, respect that belief.

III. THE UNITED AND EQUAL STATES OF AMERICA

So here we are. Homosexuals should be allowed to "marry." And I know you keep eying those quotation marks. Here is why: dictionary.com defines marriage as "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc." This would exclude gays. BUT... like any evolving language, dictionary.com has included a secondary definition: "a similar institution involving partners of the same gender: gay marriage." I mention this because there are some people who say, "They can get married like us, but we'll just call it something different." And that, my friends, is a separation which keeps things from being equal. If we want to live up to being a nation defined by equality, then we need to allow homosexuals to get married. It's as simple as that.

Many Christians believe that America was created as "one nation under God"; however, the pledge of allegiance was not implemented until 1942. The people that came over from Europe wanted to live where they could worship God freely and in their own way without the confines of British law. With this, there is the freedom of religion. And the freedom not to have a religion. So if you think your Christian beliefs should keep homosexuals from getting married... Well, you need to go start your own theocratic government that revolves around Christian fundamentals, because the United States of America is not that country. We are a free people. It's about time everyone started letting each other act like it.

I am a straight Christian, and I support gay marriage in my eqaulity driven United States of America.

(Hopefully my being a conflicted Christian doesn't hurt any of my credibility. It probably does. But hey, no one can call me liar.)

If you want more, follow this link to Dan Brown's thoughts on the definition of marriage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVmrlRGXamY&feature=relmfu

Topic Tuesday: Early Voting

Early voting is very crucial for the 2012 election. First, there is absentee voting, which is a system that allows registered voters to cast their votes early as long as they have an excuse as to why they won't be able to visit the ballot box on election day. For 31 states, however, on a set of days before the national election day, voters are able to cast what is appropriately called an early vote. You can see an early voting calendar here, courtesy of earlyvoting.net.

Why is early voting so important? Well, because you can't take back your vote if you change your mind. I'm still 50/50 on Obama vs. Romney, but let's say everyone who can vote early does so and votes for Obama. Then, closer to election day, Romney becomes the more desirable candidate for presidency. All of those who might change their mind are stuck with their Obama vote and Obama could end up winning on these early votes alone. Now, I'm not saying this is how it is or will be, but it gives you an idea of what could happen.

Early voting has already started. Before last week's First Presidential Debate Obama was leading in the polls. Since the debate, Romney has become more favorable than before. These upcoming debates will certainly be decision makers for many voters. But if many of them have already cast their votes... Well, let's just say Romney needs to keep up his momentum if he wants to win this.

I think I'm still leaning toward Obama, but who knows. I'm looking forward to this week's Vice Presidential Debate to see what the candidates' running mates have to say. See you then.

In other news, what is up with these crazy mums???

Monthly Monday: Looper Film Review

I went into Looper having seen the trailers and TV spots, of course, that presented a new futuristic, science fiction film staring the well known Die Hard star Bruce Willis and 500 Days of Summer's Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Gordon-Levitt plays the young Joe who is known as a looper, which is an assassin who is hired to kill people sent back in time from the future. One of the costs of playing this high paying role is that a looper will one day have his older self sent back in time to "close the loop." When Joe's older self, played by Willis, is sent back in time, he is caught off guard when his older self is sent back with no bag over his head to hide who he is. With this hesitation, the ball is set rolling as older Joe escapes and young Joe pursues him for the fear of disrupting the order of a present and future crime syndicate.

Having seen the previews and media revolving around the film, I was aware of the future setting, the time travel, and any other sci-fi element. What I was not prepared for, however, was the fantasy twist interwoven throughout. We can already say that sci-fi is fantasy, but with connection to technology and logic; whereas fantasy has no boundries that cannot be crossed. Looper sets up a well thought out plot, regardless of the mind boggling time travel conundrum. The fantasy element is lost at first, as it does not integrate well, but overall casts a whole new piece of the painting to observe.

Looper does well not to overwhelm you with all of the sci-fi aspects, including time travel. There are hovering jet bikes and glass computers and cell phones. What was most appealing was that in the year 2044, people are still using modern day vehicles, altered slightly by solar panels. Dystopian American cities are crime ridden with an every-man-for-himself mindset. The upper class of this future world is organized crime.

The film starts out fast paced and curious. The characters are not static whatsoever, which keeps you thinking and asking yourself, "Who should I be rooting for?" Somewhere in the middle, the move slows down to where not much is happening and everything is sort of calm, but the wonderful thing that Looper does is it never stops telling the story. In the action packed scenes, in the slow moving scenes, Looper does not pause to take a break. This constant story telling is what makes a great film, and what makes Looper a brilliantly told story, despite the easily forgettable errors of execution.

7/10

Final Friday: I'm Too Sexy For My Pride

• I drive a PT Cruiser.
• I think some men are attractive, even if I'm not attracted to them.
• I don't goggle over attractive women.
• I like smaller breasts.
• I don't have sex.
• I don't currently have a girlfriend.
• And if I did, I still wouldn't have sex.
• And that's probably why I don't have a girlfriend.
• Or it's because I'm bad with commitment, but that's a different post altogether.
• I like almost all forms of rock music, including soft rock, folk rock, and pop rock.
• I don't work out.
• I don't know much about cars.
• I played with Barbies with my younger cousin when I was a kid.
• I hug my guy friends.
• I'm not afraid to tell them I love them.
• I treat women with respect.
• And I do so without the intention of getting in their pants.

These are just some of the ways I make your average manly man think I am gay. Or a wuss. Or a pussy. Or whatever other names that I truly have been called. What's fun is when your own family insists on trying to put you down because you're not as manly as them or their husbands, boyfriends, or whatever they compare me too. They succeed in putting me down. Because the truth is that I am not a wuss. Or a "pussy." And I'm not gay, either; although, I wonder if I should be offended by them calling me that. I've accepted gays, so it's not that I dislike gay people and am offended for that reason, but it is the fact that the people calling me gay do not like gay people, and, therefore, it is indeed offensive.

I accept who I am. I am comfortable with my sexuality. I am not, however, okay with everyone beating me down for not fitting my sex's gender role to a tee. I'm not a copy; I'm just me. How boring would it be for me to be like all the manly men of the world. Or of this country anyway. 

I've been writing about homosexuality lately. I posted two notes on Facebook in regards to the subject. I have a re-posting of "The Gay Note" scheduled for next Wednesday's weekly featured content. I figured I'd re-post the note and then add even more to what I covered with it for next week's Final Friday.

I mention this because I want to jump into the subject of prejudice as well. I don't plan to relate this to Jane Austen's novel, but the two are correlated. Pride and prejudice. Many Americans seem to have a prejudice towards gender roles, homosexuality, et cetera. For now, gender roles: the feminist movement. We're now coming to accept that a woman's place isn't just the kitchen. It's wherever she wants to be. If she wants to work construction, no one can deny her. If she wants to be in the military, no one's stopping her. If she makes more money than her husband, that's okay. But what is still not okay is the gender roles in which men are partaking. It might be okay for a woman to make more money than her husband, but there appears to be a double standard saying it is not okay for men to make less money than their wives. It's not okay to be a stay at home dad. Our culture calls for me to like unrealistically skinny women, but also big chested women. Our culture says that nice guys finish last and the only way to make it is to be a manly prick. I need to drive a big pickup truck or a fast sports car. I must drink loads of alcohol and smoke cigars (I admit I smoke cigars...). I need to openly and actively want sex and to treat women like meat, toys, trophies: objects. It's disgusting and narrow minded, these people that shove these prejudices in your face. If you like to work out and do whatever other act that is accepted as being manly, by all means, go for it. But don't do it because they tell you you have to. You'll find it much more healthful to be confident in yourself and who you are rather than this sad facade. Have true pride, because how can you be proud of who you really aren't?

I'm calling for a masculinist movement, not for equal men's rights, but for our humanity. Let's not be naive. Men and women are the only exception to the idea of separate but equal. We are of different sex, but same species. We are physically separate, but should ultimately be equal. Totally equal. I don't want to get bashed anymore for driving my PT Cruiser. It get's 25+ MPG and had 40,000 miles on it when I bought it. It's an '08 and I bought it for $6,000. So sod off. If we can accept ourselves, perhaps in time everyone else can accept everyone else.

Topic Thursday: Presidential Debate (Domestic Policy), 10/03/12

There were two personal observations I made during this debate. The first observation was the way with which President Obama and his opponent Mitt Romney greeted each other before the debate began. There was something about it that pleased me, seeing them shake hands and appear with genuine smiles. The other thing I noticed--and apparently I'm not the only one who did--was how confidently and positively aggressive Romney handled his words, his responses, and how President Obama seemed to be extremely lacking in vigor and an appearance to understand his somewhat passive speeches.

I tried to ignore Obama's opening statement of his 20th Anniversary with our First Lady, as well as his summary of what he has done thus far as President. I also tried to ignore Romney's opening quip and experience with those Americans who have lost jobs. Both candidates mentioned moments of meeting citizens across America who have been struggling. It's not that I don't think they were sincere, but why are you telling me what I already know? They were trying to relate, of course.

This debate was a casual tug-of-war. Since I started following the politics of the 2012 election, I have noticed multiple times when Romney and Obama would both say the exact same thing about each other. For example, in the debate last night, Obama accused Romney multiple times of five trillion dollar tax cuts that would add to our country's deficit. And then Romney accused Obama of wanted to create similar tax cuts that would add to the deficit as well. I'm seeing everywhere that the fact checkers will be having their hands full after the debate. Inquiry: who checks the fact checkers?

Obama opened, in regards to creating jobs, that he wants to invest in education and training for modern jobs, develop new means of energy, change tax codes to help small businesses, and reduce the deficit in a balanced way to make way for the former changes.

Romney opened stating five necessities: 1) make America energy independent, 2) open trade in Latin America and "crack down on China if and when they cheat," 3) provide citizens with the skills to succeed, 4) balance the budget, and 5) "champion small business." He also stated that the current path Obama has us on has been unsuccessful with the "trickle down government."

Obama stated he wants to improve education, lower tuition, agrees on energy stance, and close the deficit. He then proceeded to bring up Romney's FIVE TRILLION DOLLAR TAX CUTS.

Let's face it, people: five trillion dollars in tax cuts sounds great. But if we want to obliterate the deficit... bad idea.

Romney responded saying he is concerned mostly with the middle income Americans. He agrees with Obama on lowering taxes for the middle class. He then went on to emphasize his wish to concentrate on coal, offshore drilling, Alaskan oil, the Canadian pipeline, and investments in energy development.

Obama said that he has cut middle class taxes by more than three thousand dollars per family. Again, he stated Romney's FIVE TRILLION DOLLAR TAX CUTS ADD TO THE DEFICIT.

Finally Romney fought this statement. He said that he does NOT plan to implement a five trillion dollar tax cut and does not want to raise taxes on middle America because that will simply slow the economy. If anything, he wants to deduct taxes from middle America and raise them for the wealthy who can afford it.

Obama said that Romney's plan is not going to work. Both agree, as on many things so far, that there needs to be a concentration on small business growth. Obama stated Romney will make drastic cuts to education, etc. AGAIN, Romney fought: NO FIVE TRILLION DOLLAR TAX CUTS.

On tackling the deficit, Romney believes the issue is both economic and moral. It's not health for American's to be in the habit of spending more than we can afford. Romney stated there are three solutions to tackling the deficit: 1) raise taxes, 2) cut spending, and 3) encourage economic growth. He wants to lower spending and encourage growth without raising taxes, whereas he believes his opponent wants to raise taxes. Romney would like to put government spending to a test: "Is the program so critical it's worth borrowing money from China to pay for it? If not, I'll get rid of it." He wants to cut the number of government employees, agencies, and departments.

Obama noted that he went after government agencies for spending cuts, such as well-meaning, but useless education programs and unnecessary aircraft for the military.

Romney stated bluntly--and I'm paraphrasing--"You haven't gotten the job done."

Obama continued to speak about education, education, education, and that Romney's plan will not help us grow.

Romney said that he wants to give power back to the states.

I'll brush lightly over the Medicare and Affordable Care Act subject. Romney stated the ACA is expensive and takes money from Medicare. He said he doesn't like the idea of the ACA telling people what care they can and cannot have, or rather, what care will and will not be paid for. Let's stop here. I work in the health care industry. I work for a third party company that is contracted with health insurance companies. There are two major services we provide: 1) claims processing and 2) PRIOR AUTHORIZATION. Essentially, based on medical necessity, we decide what procedures health insurance members are and are not authorized to have. If you are not authorized, your claim, usually, will not be paid, and you will either not be able to have the procedure or you will have to pay out of pocket. It's all about saving money, but this idea of people saying what care you can and can't have already exists. This system in the ACA is basically irrelevant.

Obama said ACA helps those with pre-existing conditions and keeps children on policies until they are 26.

Romney talked about his health care act in Massachusetts where he worked as a Republican with both his own party and Democrats to create a bipartisan health care decision for their state. Romney believes this is a better alternative to "Obamacare." Romney kept a steady emphasis on leaving health care decisions to the states.

There was so much more and you really had to have seen it for yourself, but here I have highlighted what interested me the most. To be honest, I don't know what the FACTS are. Both candidates seemed to be saying the same things, a lot of times, while believing the other held a different view or plan. Both were very effective speakers and debaters, but I have to give this one to Romney. I've gone into this election thinking Obama is most likely going to be the best bet. But his heart didn't seem in this debate and I saw more realism in Romney's words than his. I'm still stuck in the middle. I still don't know what decision I will make. Based on this debate, however, I feel that Romney is gaining on Obama. I cannot wait until their final two debates and the Vice Presidential debate.

• Vice Presidential Debate (Foreign and Domestic): October 11, 2012 @ 9PM
• Presidential Debate (Foreign and Domestic): October 16, 2012 @ 9PM
• Presidential Debate (Foreign): October 22, 2012 @ 9PM

I will cover these debates as follows respectively: 10/16/12, 10/18/12, and 10/23/12.

Weekly Wednesday: "Reception"

A Short Story

July 19, 1992

Infantryman A. W. Bole:

I know that you won’t understand, but I feel that I must tell you anyway. No, this wasn’t all a dream. It was all as real as reality can be. And you decide what that is: reality; really. As long as you’re lying to yourself you won’t know everything is a lie. Your irrationality was your downfall the first time; you refused to believe your lies. You refused to believe my lies. But this time is different. This time you’ll be okay. You’ll be able to forge a new creation.

Sincerely,

Rifleman Antony Baw

The first time I read this I did so very quickly. I did not understand. The second time I tried to make sense of it all, but I couldn’t come to any sort of conclusion. After my third run through of the letter, I decided to attribute the words to past letters. I remember telling that jarhead bastard about my wife’s death. I remember writing, “It all feels like a dream.” That must be what he meant. But about my deciding what is real—what is reality—I don’t understand. I know all of this is real. I’m not lying to myself, and I don’t know why I would. Irrationality? What first time? What lies? And what is “this time”?

          It’s overcast today in London. Typical. The rays of the noontime sun haven’t even come close to penetrating those horrid clouds. It hasn’t rained; hasn’t rained in a while. Everything has been rather dreary, and there is no sign of it letting up for at least a week. Outside of my window I can see Grosvenor Square. Lacking in color, the trees hardly present themselves with a green tint. The grass is plain and evenly cut. There are a few benches, all of which are empty. One person, a businessman, is walking toward the chancery; he walks out of sight, four stories beneath me. I tire of gazing out of the window, but I cannot refrain from looking at the dismal view. I’m reminded of a sort of apathy. I feel what I see. Before I return to my desk, I see a raven fly to the ledge outside my window. It doesn’t see me. Though there is no sunlight, I see a spark in its eye. Then it flies away, and I sit to write my reply to Rifleman Baw.

Rifleman Antony Baw:

I’m not so sure I understand anything you said in your last letter. Please explain in your next reply.

London is getting to me. All these people and their accents. I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave here American. Still wish the Army wouldn’t have given me a desk job. I feel like this is the worst position they could put me in, and all because my wife died. I’m not suicidal, for God’s sake, but I’m sure they could use my abilities in the field instead of this forsaken building. I could use the escape of adrenaline. All this place does is make me think of her more.

I wonder why you didn’t speak of your loved one in your last. I’m curious to know more about her. She sounds beautiful. My Lacy was quite beautiful herself. I know I sent you a picture, but I wish you could have seen her in person. Speaking of which, I feel like we should meet sometime. Perhaps when I’m stateside.

Sincerely,

Infantryman A. W. Bole

July 20, 1992

Infantryman A. W. Bole:

          I knew you wouldn’t understand. And if you’re lucky, you won’t have to. I’ll see you today at noon.

Sincerely,

Rifleman Antony Baw

It’s almost noon and I have yet to see Rifleman Baw. I wonder how it is that this marine, who I’ve met only through the correspondence of letters, plans to see me. I had no idea he was in London. I don’t even know what the man looks like; I wouldn’t know it was him if I saw him. The only thing more curious is these past two letters and their vague words. Truly, I feel like this man is just screwing with me.

          The sun broke my train of thought. I’m walking through Grosvenor Square and the clouds have parted and rays of sunlight are prevailing over the gloom. I can see an almost unfamiliar blue in the sky and the trees are a bright green. The grass doesn’t seem plain anymore. Everything is beautiful. A butterfly appears out of nowhere and lands on top of the bench nearest me. Wind blows softly and with warmth. The insect is carried away with it and flutters somewhat helplessly until it catches the wind and glides onto a new destination.

          I realize now that it is almost 1300.  There has been no sign of Rifleman Baw, and so I wish to make my reply. On the way to my office I pass a man—the businessman from yesterday, who nods his head. I nod mine in return. As soon as I sit at my desk I begin to write.

Rifleman Antony Baw:

          You continue to confuse me. I really thought we would meet today, and I wonder if we still will. I’ve been waiting for quite some time to make your acquaintance.

          I hope to hear from you soon. In more of a sensible manner, I hope. The curiosity is killing me. Until then, I really don’t know what to say.

Sincerely,

Infantryman A. W. Bole

July 21, 1992

Infantryman A. W. Bole:

          This is to be my last letter of correspondence with you. I apologize for so much deceit. I do not desire forgiveness, but for you to forget. All of this has been for your benefit, really. And I assure you, Bole, we have acquainted ourselves with each other on more than one occasion. I’m hoping this meeting will have been our last.

Sincerely,

Rifleman Antony Baw

I must admit that I am still confused, but what has affected me more is that this is his last letter to me. I’m tired of trying to understand. The loss of the only friend I have is one of the worst things that could have happened. At this moment… I miss Lacy more than anything.

          Everything outside is gray again. Rain is falling from those relentless clouds. The trees are almost black and the grass is flooded with water. No businessman walks to or from the chancery. No butterfly glides through a wind, which remains absent. My fifth story window is tainted by the drops of rain as a bird flies to the ledge. Drops of water fall off of the raven’s feathers in a seamless manner. The bird is staring at me. I walk over to the window and open it. Once I’ve done this the bird flies away beyond where I can see. Without thinking, I pull myself out onto the ledge. Fifty feet doesn’t look so far down. But I’m not afraid of falling.

          “I’m sorry, Lacy. I can’t do it anymore. I have to move on.”

          Arms outstretched, I jump to fly.

Rifleman Antony Baw:

          I have seen no better days than these. I feel so alive.

Thank you,

Infantryman A. W. Bole

by MFW III