What It's Like to Be Held at Gunpoint

I don't know if it's what you might think it would be like. I know it wasn't what I thought it'd be like.

As a citizen of a first world country, you know gas stations get robbed. As a gas station attendant, you know you could be robbed. As a gas station attendant working 3rd shift (10pm-6am), you know there's a ridiculously high chance that you will be robbed. What you don't expect is to actually be robbed.

I think every gas station attendant fantasizes about what they would do if they were robbed. I did, and I can tell you it's not what I imagined.

I'm not going to account the entire robbery in full detail, but I do want to tell you what it's like.

I'm stocking shelves with new product and I hear the door chime. I hear someone say, "Hey." Hell, to be honest, I don't know how he introduced the gun to my eyes, but it might as well have been "hey." I stand from my haunches and turn to greet my customer, who is wielding a small nine-millimeter pointed at me. No big deal. Wait, what? Brain turns off. Sort of. I probably got a shot of adrenaline and a racing heart, but I don't remember either of these things. I remember being shocked, but I don't remember feeling shocked. He said something to the effect of, "I'm not playin' around. Open the register." So I walk to the register an put my hands up. Still nothing. I explain that I will cooperate and open the register, and after the guy tries to find out where more money is and doesn't find any, he leaves. I don't remember being afraid. I don't remember thoughts or any sort of inner dialogue. I was a robot. Until he walked out of the door, and maybe even a little after, I was an emotionless robot. No fear, anxiety, stress, nothing. I hit the alarm, lock the door, and call 911. That's pretty much it. I'm safe and sound. The perp probably had enough to get his fix. I don't know what the hell you need $60 for so bad you have to point a gun at someone, but hey. I haven't walked in his shoes.

I can tell you I was scared more shitless when I got caught attempting to sneak into my girlfriend's window when I was 17. I'm 20 years old now and had a guy point a gun in my face. The incident when I was 17 was profoundly worse, at least as far as I recall.

Another thing is attention to detail goes out of the window. When asked what the suspect looked like, I said black, light skinned male; early 20s; 6', 150 lbs; black, flat billed hat; black T-Shirt and black shorts. Really, I was right about most of it, I think, but he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants. Why didn't those stick out in my memory? After playing back the tape, the cops asked if I thought the guy who came in before him was working with him. I still can't remember who came in before him.

Also, I keep thinking that I wish it wasn't a black male. I'm not racist, but I wish it had a been a white guy so people won't say, "Of course it was a black guy." I don't want this one man to make the rest of his race to look bad. I don't think all blacks rob stores. I know every race commits acts of violence, but I know the stereotype hangs heavily on black people, and I want that to stop. Anyway, those are just thoughts in my head.

Peace.