Black Ink

Hey there, journal. Fuck you, taunting me at my writing desk. Yes, I know your blank, but how fitting! So am I. All there is is the past and you are a testament to that. That's all you are: stolen thoughts and memories. And I? I am a monument to all your sins.
What a geek! In my time of melancholy, I turn to Halo references. But why judge myself? It's as much a piece of art as a painting or a novel. Or perhaps a journal.
But fuck you, self-loathing, melodramatic Montanna. Fuck. You. What are you even?
Let's drop some more "F" bombs, fuck.
Don't let my children read this.
Who cut out David's cries of pain and cursing of God?
We can clearly tell that Job wasn't real.
Too much pent up. I am a demon trapped in this prison of a host.
And what and what and what and what.
Christ.
Vein. In vein. In vain.
I'm still here.
I have so much to sayyyy.
Do you have time?
I don't think that I want to say.
But I don't feel like telling you. Taking the time... I just want you to know.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Fuck. =)

Alright, alright. Here we go:

1: Let's start with a summary-

I've been an awkward quiet-but-doesn't-know-when-to-shut-up kid all of my life. I remember playing with Natalie when I was only two. Yes, I remember that. She doesn't remember me. I remember this boy Taylor from preschool. I remember he actually had this little tail thing going on with the back of his hair; I associated the two. I remember this black girl who kept giving herself hickeys and I did the same to myself. God, were my parents confused when I came home at three or four years old. I remember Stephe--fuck, I can't even spell my ex-best friend's name right--Steven, who moved across the street from me. I remember thousands of play dates and Kindergarten with Buster and April, who we played house with. I guess Steven was cuter because she always picked him over me. I remember my mom taking me out of that school because                          . Ha ha. I remember homeschooling for first and second grades. More time with Steven, pretend and watching Power Rangers. I remember my babysitter making her three year old son stand naked in a corner as punishment. I remember loving my dad. Third grade at Step of Faith Christian Academy- Steven, Brandon, Jess, Jordan, Chelsea, Andy... Mrs. Carter. My being a cop's son. Fourth grade- Brandon        , April from K5. Mrs. Carter again. Fifth grade- uncle Bobby's death, Mrs. Wilcox, Clinton, Perrianne, Nicholas. And Mrs. Carter for math. Sixth grade- Zach, Brett, Eric, Scott Michael, Mrs. McGill. Mrs. Wilcox for English; Mrs. Carter for math. Seventh grade- Mrs. Wilcox again and Mrs. Carter for math. Saw Eric and Jessica making out. Didn't know what to do with that. Eighth grade- Patrick Henry Academy, Andrew, Chris, Nikki, Lamar, Koty. Euhaw Baptist Church. Michael, Meagan,       ...
Almost done.
Ninth grade- back to SoFCA: just Brandon, Jordan, Zach, and me. Ms. McClendon,        . Suspended... twice. Removed from a field trip for BUYING A GODDAMN GINGER ALE.
Angelique            . Half-Korean, American. Beautiful.               .                 .                                . Whatever.
Tenth grade- Ridgeland High School, Tiffany, Angel, Shaye, Josh. Grandpa Moxley's death. Break up with Angel.
Hailey            . Blue-eyed brunette. Gorgeous.       . Lots of tears and a broken heart. And           ...
Eleventh grade- Thomas Heyward Academy, Chris, Timmy, Chad.
                      .
Twelfth grade- more of the same.
And from August 28, 2010, forward? Worst period of my life.

2: College-

TCL during high school and USC:B post high school. Lots of English classes. One failed class. Sleepless nights without her.
Jennifer        , redhead. Fling to get over her. Fail. Lasted a month.

3: Jobs-

WWII Navy Tug. Kangaroo Express with Jeremy. Friends with Alex. Friends with Jessica. New fearsome foursome. Brandon and Cierra get married- I'm the best man. September 17?
Mandy       . Brown-eyed blonde. Cute, fun. Lasted a month because FUCK MY LIFE I'M STUPID. UGH! =( Just can't let her go...

4: CareCore National, I'll slow down-

A) Data Intake Coordinator-

I had no idea what this company even was. Couldn't complain with    /hr. I initiated prior authorizations on the behalf of health insurance companies for radiology and cardiology procedures. Boring. But I was good at it. Finished with 98% audit score.

      (Katy)             .                            . Pretty. Type A crazy. Held my hand and slept in my bed; didn't even kiss.

B) Customer Service-

Moving on up... without a pay raise. Bought a 2001 Camero w/ 80,000 miles for $5,800. Some bitch totaled it by wrecking into me. Got $7,200 for the car. Watching people come and go. Living with my dad.

C) Claims Research-

Finally a pay raise:       /hr. Doing claims research... providing callers with statuses. This is where I am.

But now my hand hurts and I'm tired. Ask more some other time. Bye.

(September 4, 2012)